A Long Walk
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: With the Hellmouth ripped open all bets were off. The First may have won, but there were a universe of possibilities still available to the fighters in Sunnydale.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the characters or intellectual property used belongs to anyone but their original creators and I am making no money off this... which kinda sucks.**

The First had won.

Everything had seemed to be going their way, Willow had activated all the Slayers and Spike had used the amulet Angel had given them to destroy the army of prehistoric vamps. Unfortunately that had all turned out to be part of the First's plan, which it was now gloating over.

The First turned to face the four remaining Scoobies as they stood on the roof of the High School and demons poured out of the Hellmouth below them, the amulet that fried the vampire army having ripped it wide open. Taking the form of their hated former principal Snyder, the First sneered. "It's all over but the screaming," he said cheerfully. "The amulet's forced open the Hellmouth and the activation of all the slayers has created an imbalance that won't allow it to be closed again."

"Good choice of character to taunt us with," Xander complimented the First.

"Thank you," the First said, surprised Xander was so calm and accepting about things. "Shouldn't you be angry?"

Xander shrugged. "We beat the odds so many times, it was bound to happen eventually. Besides, I get to die surrounded by people I love. I can think of a lot worse ways to go."

"Like dying a virgin," Dawn said, turning to Xander. "Take off your pants, please."

"Dawn!" Buffy complained.

The First made a face. "I really don't need to see you two do that. I'll taunt you later," he said vanishing.

"Ah, that was a good way to get us some privacy to plan, good work," Buffy complimented her younger sister.

Dawn reached for Xander's belt and started to undo it.

"Hey!" Xander complained.

"You said if the world was going to end you'd fuck me," Dawn told Xander.

"What?!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Did you just quote Dogma at me?" Xander asked with a grin.

"Yep," Dawn said, popping the P. "I don't have time to slowly seduce you, so I am taking the quick route. You can't resist a girl with a sense of humor."

"True," Xander admitted.

"And seriously I didn't want to die a virgin. I hear that if you die a virgin they make you fuck suicide bombers in heaven," Dawn said, unbuttoning Xander's pants as he laughed.

"Willow?" Buffy asked, seeing those two would be no help as they seemed to have given up.

"Yeah?" Willow asked distractedly.

Buffy quickly stepped in between Willow and the others, blocking her line of sight. "Can we undo this somehow? Or jump to a less fucked up dimension like the one where the Master won?"

Willow thought about that for a second before replying, "I could... but that would open the Hellmouth."

"Already open," Buffy reminded her, ignoring the sounds behind her.

"Yeah..." Willow said slowly. "With the scythe for power and virgin blood..." her voice trailed off.

"Too late," Buffy said with a sigh, forcing herself not to turn around.

"No, until they finish it still counts," Willow said excitedly.

"Don't stop," Buffy ordered the pair.

"Ever!" Dawn swore with a moan.

"Wasn't planning on it," Xander said breathlessly. "You've got five, maybe ten minutes, but that's pushing it."

"I only need three," Willow swore before beginning to chant.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The universe blinked and Buffy spun around. She was in her living room dressed in a princess dress.

"Damnit!" Dawn cussed. "All I needed was another five seconds!" she complained. She glared at Willow angrily, which made Willow grin as Dawn was covered in green body paint and twelve years old once more.

"That was..." Xander shook his head. "I need to use the bathroom." He quickly rushed upstairs.

"I... It's Halloween," Willow said as the memories hit her. "I could only insert us where there was a lot of chaos, so... surprise!"

"Then why are you three dressed differently?" Buffy asked. "I don't recall... I remember originally things went different, but this time around... you dressed as a Jedi healer, Xander as a space cowboy, and Dawn as a Star Trek dancing girl?"

"Chaos means nothing stays the same," Willow said. "And us arriving caused some backwash."

"Everyone turns into their outfits," Dawn said and glanced down at herself. "I gotta alter my outfit. I'm thinking Jedi is a great idea."

"We need to modify your outfit quickly," Willow said, as Dawn ran upstairs.

"You did it," Buffy said in wonder. "We're back in time. Mom's... in LA right now, but she's alive!"

"Yes, now let's modify your outfit so you don't become an idiot for the night," Willow said firmly, focusing on the present.

"Can't we just stop it?" Buffy asked. "We have enough time to find Ethan before he begins the spell."

"Chaos allowed us to insert ourselves in the timeline at this point, we remove that chaos and... it'd probably be bad," Willow said, "Really Bad!"

"OK, what can we do?" Buffy asked.

"We've got roughly two hours to make some changes... can you get Angel while I grab Giles?" Willow said intently.

"Sure, but do the costumes affect vampires?" Buffy asked curiously.

"It's backed by the power of a god," Willow said, it should work fine."

"Is there any outfit that could return him to life?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Doubtful," Willow admitted, "but the laws of similarity means we can manage a more permanent empowerment by dressing as characters that we have a lot in common with."

"So if I dress Angel as a famous vampire type who has their soul..." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"And add something that repulses demons," Willow added.

"I'm not getting my hopes up," Buffy said firmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta run."

Willow grinned as Buffy lifted her skirts and literally ran out of the house. "I'm going to go grab Giles," she yelled up the stairs, "meet you at school!"

"We'll be there!" Dawn yelled back down.

 **Sunnydale High a little while later...  
**

Buffy checked Angel's costume once more before making sure her's was perfect.

Angel looked at the crowds of costumed children surrounding them nervously. He really wasn't comfortable in crowds, it made his demon hungry. "Are you sure you aren't under a spell?" he asked.

"Nope, I am one hundred and ten percent me," Buffy swore. "We only have one shot at this and I really wish you had chosen Jean-Claude it'd fit perfectly with me dressing as Anita Blake, albeit one sneaking into a party for a group of vamps who were turned during medieval times."

"I'm not dressing as a French vampire," Angel replied. "You said it had to be someone similar to me and he's nothing like me."

Buffy sighed. "I know, but they were a cute couple."

"Nick Knight fits him much better," Xander said. "Seriously, I may not be Angel's biggest fan, but even I wouldn't make him dress as a poofy French vampire."

"Thanks," Angel said awkwardly.

"Don't mention it," Xander said.

"Let's go," Dawn said, pulling Xander towards their assigned area. "Snyder isn't exactly patient here."

"Good point," Xander agreed, allowing her to drag him off. "Where did you get a lightsaber?" he asked when they reached their spot. "Ethan told me they were all out."

"It's not a lightsaber," Dawn said pulling it out of her belt a little, before pushing it back in place.

"But it's got a purple blade," Xander said.

"That's not a blade," Dawn admitted. I grabbed it because it was the closest thing to a lightsaber in the house I could find and as long as I don't pull it out, no one will know any different."

"It's... your mom's?" Xander guessed.

"Yep," Dawn agreed solemnly.

The two managed to keep straight faces until they met each others' eyes, then they almost fell over laughing.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"John Constantine?" Jenny asked amused.

"Willow wanted me to dress as a magic user I had something in common with, and this was much closer then that Stephen Strange character she suggested," he said.

"I was planning on going as a stage magician but I believe I knew of a female magic user of John's acquaintance that would fit," she said thoughtfully.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Oz examined the costume the cute redhead had asked him to wear. It looked like a detective from a 50's noir film except for the name tag that read Bigby Wolf. With a shrug he started getting dressed.

It was a good outfit and she'd promised to meet up with him later if he wore it.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Jonathan and Andrew exchanged glances, Andrew was dressed as Peter Parker and had a fake blue and red spider glued to the back of his right hand while Jonathan was dressed as a wimpy Steve Rogers with a hypodermic glued to his shoulder.

"Think she was telling the truth?" Andrew asked hopefully as they sat in Warren's basement.

"I really hope so," Jonathan said adjusting the cardboard Vita Ray projector.

Warren came down the stairs wearing a white leotard and hooded cape with a blue jewel glued to his forehead. "I got the sodas and the pizza is on its way." He set the six pack on the coffee table and unwedgied himself. "Does either of you two know why Willow Rosenberg would pay me two hundred bucks to dress as post Trigon Raven?"

"Nope," Andrew lied.

"She paid you?" Jonathan asked perking up, as it looked like this might not be a prank after all.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Cordelia sauntered past dressed as Felicity from Dark Stalkers and Xander found his head turning to follow her.

Dawn cleared her throat to get his attention. "Eyes front, we've got kiddies coming," she reminded him.

"This is going to be an interesting Halloween," Xander said.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	2. Chapter 2

Xander awoke and stretched, noting the young green skinned Twi'lek laying on him... err her. A quick examination showed Xander that she was an exact duplicate of the alien girl Dawn herself had turned into. She would have panicked, but she was pretty sure Willow could change her back if it turned out she couldn't change back on her own.

"Why the fuck am I still a cat girl?!" Cordelia cursed loudly waking everyone up.

"Xander... you're still a girl," Dawn said, groping Xander from her place on top of her.

"Yes I am," Xander agreed, grabbing Dawn's hands, "and you are still a Twi'lek."

"And Cordelia is still a cat girl and I'm still a Jedi," Willow announced.

"I'm still me," Buffy said, "except with black hair and... I can sense Angel, so I guess I'm still an animator."

"I can't hear Angelus anymore," Angel said in wonder. "I'm still a vampire, but the demon is gone!"

"That's nice and all," Cordelia growled out, her features becoming noticeably more animalistic, "but can we get back to me no longer being human?!"

"Xander, why are you a duplicate of Dawn?" Buffy asked, ignoring Cordelia.

"The Star Wars character I dressed as turned out to be more than just your standard mercenary, he was a force sensitive, shape shifter. Jesse rolled him up but never got to use him, so I didn't know about all the tweaking he'd done to the standard smuggler character."

"That still doesn't explain why you're my sister's twin," Buffy said.

"I can take other forms and Jesse was a complete perv," Xander hinted.

"And?" Buffy asked, not seeing what that had to do with anything.

"He sampled my DNA while we were fucking," Dawn said bluntly.

"What? But she's only twelve you sicko!" Cordelia screeched.

"Sleep," Willow commanded Cordelia, sending her to the ground with a wave of her hand.

Cordelia fell to the floor, transforming into a cat as she did so.

"Now there's something you don't see every day," Buffy said, as she looked at the little black cat that was asleep on the floor.

"Is anyone concerned that Xander is having sex with a minor?" Angel asked confused.

"It's complicated, I'm not a minor, and you're one to talk," Dawn said, clearly amused.

"I haven't had sex with Buffy and she's over sixteen, which is legal," Angel said.

"Only in Europe," Dawn pointed out, "which... I don't think we're in Sunnydale anymore." She looked around the warehouse they seemed to be in. She hadn't even realized they made them in this size. The ceiling of the place looked like it was hundreds of feet away and the aisles seemed to stretch on forever.

"You would have had sex with Buffy when she turned seventeen, and Dawn turned seventeen a couple of months ago. We're time travelers," Willow explained. "I can't feel the Hellmouth and I recognize the writing on these crates," she added, worry slipping into her tone.

Xander and Dawn stood up, Xander having to adjust for her new body and tighten her overlarge clothes.

"So do I," Xander agreed with a sigh.

"I think we're on a ship," Dawn said, checking her lightsaber before clipping it to her belt. "I'm not sensing anyone close by though."

"So the three of you dressing as Star Wars characters got us sent there?" Buffy asked putting the clues together.

"Can we get back to you guys being time travelers?" Angel asked sounding confused.

"Couple of years after we graduated the Hellmouth opened and our only shot was going back in time," Xander explained. "So you can add five years to each of us."

"And you knew we'd all be turned into our costumes and didn't have me dress as Superman or Batman?" Angel asked.

"The closer the costume was to the nature of the person wearing it, the more of a chance it would stick," Buffy explained.

"Whiny, French, vampire?" Angel asked giving her a look.

"Vampire with a soul who wants to be human and is a detective," Buffy countered, motioning to his current self.

"Detective?" Angel asked, feeling a little better about things.

"You become one later," Xander assured him. "Plus, this kind of vampire has it all over the type you were."

"That's true," Angel said beginning to smile.

"What about the curse?" Xander asked Willow.

"Gone," Willow said. "Having a soul is natural for this kind of vampire."

"No happiness clause!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Happiness clause?" Angel asked.

"the gypsies had it rigged so if you got a happy your soul would pass on, setting Angelus free," Xander told him. "You can hear the whole story later."

"So everyone is close to what they are?" Angel asked doubtfully looking at the others.

"Jedi healer isn't far from white witch," Willow said.

"Vampire executioner with a vampire boyfriend," Buffy offered with a shrug. "There weren't many female characters I could use and I did this to help you not me."

"Shapeshifting mercenary?" Angel asked Xander.

"He's very handy with modern weapons and explosives," Buffy pointed out.

"And at absorbing things to strengthen himself," Willow said thoughtfully. "Everything Xander's been through has left its mark and in the case of the swim team incident he quite literally absorbed foreign DNA," she said thoughtfully.

"You are also very good at flying under the radar," Dawn told Xander. "Really, this character could have been made for you."

"I didn't think of that," Xander admitted. "I was thinking short term usefulness."

"And you?" Angel asked Dawn.

"My existence is malleable and that's all we're going to say about that," she replied firmly.

"So we're no longer on Earth, don't have to worry about a hell goddess, Cordelia giving birth to an evil power, or falling for a scheme to open the Hellmouth," Buffy said. "I think we came out ahead."

"I still have to feed on blood," Angel pointed out.

"We've got enough people to keep you fed until we can get access to cloned blood," Willow assured him.

"Nick didn't really need a lot unless healing from injury," Xander recalled, as she examined a crate and triggered the opening sequence, causing the vacuum sealed crate to hiss as the air pressure equalized and the top unsealed.

Willow helped her open the crate and groaned. "Yeah, that's not ominous at all."

"What's ominous?" Dawn asked.

"It's a resupply pack for a Storm Trooper unit," Xander explained as she looked inside, "and if we're reading this right..."

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Look for a terminal, neither one of us wants to jinx us," Willow said.

"I say we assume the worst and gear up," Xander said, grabbing weapons and energy packs and outfitting herself.

"It looks like we are miles from the nearest terminal," Dawn said, looking at the endless rows of crates surrounding them.

"Better grab some rations as well then," Xander decided, "because this may take a while."

"Can I freak out now?" Buffy asked. "Cause the two of you are making me feel like I should be freaking out."

"Just grab all the supplies you need for a long hike and a firefight," Willow suggested.

"Should I wake Cordelia?" Angel asked.

"Probably," Willow admitted. "I'd give her some catnip to mellow her out, but I'm not sure what effect it would have on her."

"Why are you carrying catnip?" Buffy asked.

"I like cats," Willow said with a shrug.

"And?" Xander asked, knowing there was more to it than that from her tone of voice.

"And it can be used for a couple of different spells," Willow admitted. "Clothing optional spells."

"Wake Cordelia," Buffy told Angel, not wanting to hear any more and going through weapons to find a pair of blasters that could replace her missing Firestars. "What's the kickback on these?"

"Barely any," Xander promised her. "Compared to slug throwers you won't even notice."

"Cool," Buffy said examining the Storm Trooper armor. "Do they having anything smaller?"

"No, they're all sized for the clones, which means exactly one size fits all," Xander told her, ignoring the sounds of Angel waking Cordelia who was not in a better mood as a cat.

"At least their breasts were bigger than mine so I don't have to worry about crushing the girls," Buffy said, deciding that she could wear the chest piece like a bullet proof vest.

"This is female armor," Willow said slowly.

"And?" Buffy asked, packing additional power packs in a belt pouch.

"The clones were all male," Xander said. "This may not be your standard Star Wars' universe."

"Could be a specialty unit," Dawn offered, following Buffy's lead in armament and armor.

"I'm human again!" Cordelia exclaimed as she figured out how to change. "Why are you guys dressing like geeks?"

"A chaos mage tossed us into another universe, you can guess which one," Dawn offered. "By the way I'm actually older than you, time travel is involved."

"Are you OK like that?" Cordelia asked, gesturing to Dawn's head.

"We can find a way to change me back, but it's fine for now," Dawn assured her.

"So Xander isn't a pervert?" Cordelia asked hopefully.

"Oh he is, but in a good way," Dawn assured her with a grin.

"You should know... oh yeah, that hasn't happened yet. Heck we haven't even exchanged smoochies yet," Willow told Xander.

"Me? You?" Cordelia stared at the currently female Xander and trying to figure out what Willow was hinting at.

"Everyone who hasn't slept with Xander raise your hand," Dawn said. "Not so fast Angel," she said as he started to raise his hand.

"What?!" Cordelia and Angel chorused in shock.

"She's messing with you," Buffy said as Xander and Dawn laughed like crazy. "Me and Angel are the only two here who Xander hasn't defiled."

"Defiled?" Xander asked amused, before getting an evil grin.

Dawn quickly covered her mouth. "Yes, I'm sure Buffy has done far worse," she told her, "but we are being nice. Especially if you want any DNA from me to regain your male form."

"Spoilsport," Xander said with a fake huff.

"it may be years before we find our way home, if ever," Willow told Cordelia. "But on the bright side you died in the future we came from, so all this prevents you from dying like you would have in LA, a couple of years from now."

Cordelia took a couple of deep breaths. "OK," she said calmly. "Did any of you think to memorize any lottery numbers?"

"No, dammit!" Willow said with a pout.

"Yes," Xander said. "You made me memorize them for certain occasions when we were dating and it became a habit so I remember a dozen sets easy. If we get home within the next decade, we can win the lottery multiple times."

"Really?" Dawn asked surprised.

"Cordelia liked to memorize winning lottery numbers on special occasions as anyone can remember dates, so if it was really special they can remember the lottery numbers as well," Xander quoted.

"We really did date," Cordelia said. "I have so many questions about the future."

"We can discuss them while we walk," Willow said. "If we are where we think we are, we'll have plenty of time."

"Where do you think we are?" Angel asked.

Xander and Willow looked at one another and everyone could practically see them speaking through that look alone.

Willow sighed and nodded after a few seconds.

Xander turned to the others. "The Death Star," she said solemnly.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

"There are so many things to freak out over I don't know where to begin," Cordelia said. "Xander, would you mind turning back into yourself so I can snipe at you and unwind?"

"I need a sample of my original DNA to swap back and I'll need Dawn's help for that," Xander said.

"Why... OK, got it," Cordelia said. "Why are we not freaking out over that again?"

"Because I am actually older than you," Dawn reminded her.

"But physically twelve?" Cordelia asked just to be sure.

"Physically an alien with a much quicker maturation cycle that just happens to be smaller than human," Dawn replied.

"Let's do it now, I want to be me again," Xander said.

"Sure," Dawn agreed grabbing Xander's hand and leading her off so they'd have some privacy.

"How'd I die?" Cordelia asked.

"Demonic STD, coma, death," Buffy rattled off quickly.

"It wasn't an STD," Willow said rolling her eyes. "It was more a demonic parasite that allowed you to get visions from the Powers That Be to help Angel rescue people."

"That's not an improvement," Cordelia said, a look of disgust on her face.

"I become a detective?" Angel asked, wanting to change the subject.

"It was a way to make money, fit in with society, and help people," Buffy explained. "You were fighting an evil law firm and then took them over or something."

"You thought you'd won, but Giles said it was more likely they'd decided to change strategies and try and corrupt you by giving you power," Willow added.

"That sucks," Cordelia said. "So what about my acting career?"

"You can't act, you can't sing, and the only roles you were offered involved you either playing strippers or on a casting couch," Buffy said bluntly.

"Plus, you gained a soul and were more concerned with helping people than getting famous," Willow joked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, a bit surprised that Willow had changed so much from this morning, time traveler or not, but rather pleased. "At least I'm still rich and beautiful." She saw the two wince and groaned. "What happened?!"

"Your Dad fought the law and the law won," Buffy said.

"The IRS took everything," Willow said. "Your parents left and I'm not sure how you managed to finish school. I think one of your friends let you stay with them until graduation."

"Please tell me I didn't get ugly or fat!" Cordelia begged.

"You gain at least another cup size and your ass could stop traffic," Willow assured her. "I would do you."

"Oh, thank God," Cordelia said, relieved.

Angel winced.

"What?!" Cordelia demanded glaring at him. "I so am doable!"

"Not that," Angel said, "I can hear Xander retrieving his DNA."

Buffy groaned. "I didn't notice until you said it. Looks like another half an hour before we see them again."

"How did our relationship go? Why did we break up?" Angel asked wanting to distract himself.

"You lost your soul, Willow found it again just in time for me to send you to Hell for a century," Buffy said bluntly. "After graduation you left for LA for 'my own good' and to work for your redemption. You had various relationships in LA, including Cordelia, and were probably torn apart by demons when the Hellmouth opened."

"I dated a vampire?" Cordelia asked.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure it was part of the Renegade power's manipulations," Willow said. "You were needed as a vessel for its rebirth, so it screwed around with your head… a lot."

"Oh, well at least that's over," Cordelia said. "So... did I ever date anyone else in your gang?" she asked, her lack of acting ability really apparent as she tried and failed to sound casual.

"You and Xander were hot and heavy for a time," Buffy admitted.

"That ended when you caught me and him kissing while we were trapped and waiting for Spike to kill us," Willow explained.

"If you ended up with him then why aren't you upset he's having lesbian sex with Dawn?" Cordelia asked.

"I was dating Oz at the time," Willow said. "I distanced myself from Xander and he forgave me."

"Short guy with green hair?" Cordelia asked just to make sure, as she'd dated the lead singer of Dingo's so she was familiar with him.

"That's him," Willow agreed.

"You were so close to Xander you were like his shadow for near forever and you dumped him for Oz?" Cordelia asked in shock. "How many kids did you have by him?"

"He became a werewolf, went to Tibet to learn to control it so he wouldn't hurt her, and she started dating a witch named Tara," Buffy explained with a frown as she considered things.

"I never thought you were that fickle," Cordelia said, "and it sounds like I was nearly as bad."

"You were manipulated so you would move to LA and stay close to Angel," Willow said slowly, "and I wasn't fickle, I just... Buffy, help me here."

"Xander cheated on you," Buffy told Cordelia, "and Willow was following her heart."

"Me breaking up with Xander makes sense," Cordelia said, "but she broke up with her best friend since forever, that she wanted since she was five, for a guy who was so devoted to her that he overlooked her cheating and went to the other side of the world to make sure he wouldn't harm her, and she dumped him for some girl she met in college. Throwing away that kind of devotion is insane!"

"I'm gay and I fell in love with Tara," Willow said firmly. "It happens."

"You loved two men and desired them sexually," Cordelia fired back, "that's not gay. Unless you were just a manipulative psycho you wouldn't have gone after Xander while dating Oz, risking both relationships, if you weren't into men, period! You can like both sexes you know, it's a thing."

"It doesn't work that way, you are either gay or you're not," Willow said firmly.

"And that is one of the many reasons I dislike you," Cordelia replied flatly.

"Because I'm gay?" Willow demanded.

"Because you're an intellectual snob," Cordelia told her.

"What does that even mean?" Buffy asked as Willow glared at Cordelia.

"It means she is part of those people who think they are better than everyone else because of their high IQ, while seriously lacking in common sense, and constantly trying to redefine reality according to whatever their latest geek leader says is true," Cordelia told her. "Beneath her inferiority complex is a massive superiority complex where she ranks people she's better than based on book knowledge and scholastic achievements."

"It's been half a decade since you've actually seen me, I've changed quite a bit," Willow defended herself.

"Really? Then if you have changed so much, tell me why you would go after Xander while he was in a relationship with me, while you were dating some drummer, since you don't like guys and bisexuals don't exist," Cordelia said dryly.

"Xander came on to her and she couldn't bring herself to say no," Buffy said firmly, while Willow winced and looked away.

"Really?" Xander asked, as he and Dawn approached with him restored to male and human once more. "So when we were sitting in the back of the room during science and they turned off the lights, to show a film on cellular mitosis, and you grabbed my hand and shoved it in your pants, I was coming on to you?"

"I was confused, alright?!" Willow burst out. "I was young, didn't know what I wanted, and I had a hard time admitting when I made mistakes."

"All this time I thought Xander had practically forced himself on you," Buffy complained, "preying on your feelings for him and inability to tell him no."

"Seriously?" Xander asked, giving Buffy a confused look.

"I never said that!" Willow exclaimed, horrified.

"Well that's the impression I got," Buffy said defensively.

"The way you acted towards me back then makes a lot more sense now," Xander said shaking his head. "Though I have no idea where you got that impression since from Willow's expression I'm pretty sure she didn't say anything remotely similar."

"Barry, Jules, Craig, Fredrick, Angel, Parker, Riley, Spike," Dawn started listing off.

"Me?" Angel asked confused over what was going on and why Buffy had paled and everyone else had looked thoughtful.

"Buffy's attracted to older men who generally prey on her emotions to get her to do things she wouldn't do otherwise," Dawn said. "She was projecting the kind of situation she'd been in, on you guys."

"I've never played with her emotions," Angel said.

Xander snorted. "Please, we all know you came to Sunnydale just to 'help her' and the character you played was designed specifically to play on her weaknesses."

"Character I played?" Angel asked. "I've just been myself and how have I played on her weaknesses? I tried to stay out of her way and just pass on any information I found that could help."

"You mean like when you first showed up and tossed her a box with a silver cross inside and did the whole 'I'm a friend, I didn't say I was yours'," Xander said, posing with a slight sneer on his face, pretending to be Angel.

"How is that playing on my weaknesses?" Buffy asked.

"It's a neg," Willow said thoughtfully. "It's a trick to pickup women where you start off with an insult to make them seek your approval."

"I wasn't trying to trick anyone," Angel defended himself, "I was simply following Whistler's advice to show I was there to help and not in any way trying to hit on her."

"Did he give you the cross to give to her?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, he said it was practical for a Slayer who was pretending to be your typical schoolgirl to wear and would help protect her," Angel explained.

"OK, you were manipulated to manipulate Buffy," Dawn said, seeing where this was going.

"And Buffy hits all your buttons," Xander said. "I no longer consider you a huge sleaze and I'm finding it a bit scary how effectively you were both molded and shaped to play off one another."

"Glad we got that settled," Cordelia said. "Now how did you finish up so fast? You aren't a minute man are you?"

"Hey!" Xander complained.

"He's big, I'm small, and still a little sore as this body hadn't done any of that before last night," Dawn said.

"I so don't need to hear any of this," Buffy groaned.

"Anyway back to topic," Cordelia said. "Willow is either bisexual or deliberately destroyed Xander's relationship with me and since she claims bisexuality doesn't exist that means she wasn't really attracted to Xander sexually and purposely destroyed our relationship for her own reasons."

"Pretty sure bisexuality is a thing and Willow didn't realize girls were a real option till she met Tara and saw how much stronger the emotions were," Xander defended Willow.

"If her attraction to guys wasn't that strong, then she couldn't have gotten overwhelmed by her emotions and made a bad decision, it had to have been premeditated," Cordelia pointed out.

Willow groaned. "Fine, I'm bisexual! Is that what you want to hear?! I was wrong, it exists, and I'm smack dab in the middle of it! It's simply a lot simpler to focus on one sex and this way I don't have a jealous boyfriend coming between me and Xander!"

Everything was silent for a minute before Cordelia spoke up, "Actually I was trying to get you to admit you'd deliberately sabotaged our relationship so I could see if we could make it work this time without you interfering."

"Ahem," Dawn said.

"I'll share," Cordelia promised.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

"Share…" Willow said surprised. "You're bi?"

"My sexuality doesn't concern you, because it doesn't include you," Cordelia told her bluntly.

"Does it concern me?" Dawn asked curiously, not sure how she felt about it considering her new set of memories.

"I don't know yet," Cordelia admitted. "Right now if it concerns you it's because we both have the same taste in men. I've been waiting years for Xander to mature-"

"Hey!" Xander complained, but when Cordelia waited to see what he'd say in his defense he just shrugged. "I got nothing."

"I've had my eye on him for a long time and, despite our different backgrounds and social circles, I want to give it a try," Cordelia said honestly.

"Shouldn't you be saying that to him?" Buffy asked.

"I am, but I know him well enough to know he wouldn't go out with me while involved with Dawn without her permission," Cordelia replied.

"I seduced him a couple of times, once using force abilities," Dawn admitted, "I don't exactly have a claim on him."

"Your claim is at least as good as mine," Cordelia said with a shrug. "Probably better if you want to be honest."

"Pretty sure he still loves you even if you broke up years ago," Dawn said.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Buffy asked Xander.

"They seem to have things pretty well in hand," he replied. "Any long term plans depend on what our situation is, so in the short term I'll be happy with whatever makes them happy."

"You've really matured," Cordelia said in surprise.

"Just a little," Xander agreed.

"As long as you aren't trying to muscle me out, I'll share," Dawn decided.

"We should start moving, we have a long walk ahead of us," Willow said. "Really, really, long!"

"Shouldn't there be moving walkways and trams or something?" Cordelia asked. "I mean even airports have those once they get beyond a certain size."

"I don't recall them ever covering that in any of the Star Wars material I've read, but since we are trying to sneak around we'll have to avoid letting anyone find out we're here, which using motorized transport would probably do," Willow said.

"Couldn't you hack something so we could?" Cordelia asked hopefully.

"No idea," Willow said with a shrug. "They could use an AI, they no doubt use an operating system I don't know, and I haven't been into hacking for years."

"How long a walk are we looking at here?" Angel asked.

"The second Death Star measured just under fifty miles from the core to the surface," Xander replied.

"And we are going to be moving a lot more horizontally than we are vertically, as they redesigned the ship so not even an exhaust port runs straight to the core," Willow added.

"And to further complicate matters there are probably sections that are kept airless so they don't have to worry about corrosion as cleaning droids don't use oxygen," Xander said.

"What about food and water?" Buffy asked. "And bathrooms?!"

"Any sections with oxygen should have facilities for organics and we can get Stormtrooper rations from supply or warehouse stocks along our path," Willow said.

"How about beds?" Cordelia asked. "Are there any hotels or apartments or anything we can use?"

"Those are probably plentiful near the surface," Willow said, "but I'm guessing there aren't as many near the core and droid only sections."

"We need to find a terminal and see if we can bring up a map without alerting anyone," Xander said.

"Which way do we head?" Buffy asked glancing around at the identical rows of crates that faded into the distance.

"Angel will have to fly up and point us towards the nearest wall," Dawn suggested.

"Fly?" Cordy asked.

"I got him to dress as Nick Knight, so he turned into that kind of vampire," Buffy explained.

"Go ahead," Angel told Xander.

"What?" Xander asked, confused.

"Make a Tinkerbell joke, get it out of your system," Angel said.

Xander blinked. "Crap, I missed that completely. Sorry man, but I'm completely out of practice teasing you. I know it's a poor excuse, but it's been years since I've even talked to you much less made any comments."

"You're joking," Angel said, before shaking his head. "Sorry, the whole time traveler thing is taking a while to sink in."

"It's OK, it's strange for us too," Xander told him. "OK, now this isn't my best work, being off the cuff but... Everyone clap and say I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies!" Xander ordered everyone and started clapping his hands together, Dawn and Cordelia joining in a moment later. "Tink can't fly unless you believe!"

Buffy groaned and Willow smothered a laugh.

"For off the cuff that was impressive," Angel admitted as Willow burst out laughing and the others joined her. "Be right back," Angel said shooting up in the air.

"Do you have to tease him?" Buffy asked.

"He literally asked for it this time," Xander told her. "I wasn't planning on making any comments until he asked me to."

Angel landed a second later with a huge smile. "I love flying," he said.

"Which way do we go, boss?" Dawn said imitating Bugs Bunny.

"That way," Angel said, pointing off to one side. "The closest wall is a couple miles in that direction."

Xander took a large backpack and filled it with rations before handing it to Angel. "If you don't mind, being a vamp you'll be able to carry more without it weighing you down."

"That's fine," Angel said putting on the pack.

"I am so glad I didn't wear the high heeled Catwoman outfit that I'd been looking at," Cordelia said as she thought about the long walk ahead of them.

"And away we go," Buffy said as they all started walking.

"I don't suppose any of these crates contain a car or something?" Cordelia asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Not likely and I wouldn't know how to assemble one anyway," Willow replied. "Jedi healers aren't trained as mechanics."

"I could put one together," Xander said suddenly, breaking out in a smile. "I remember how to do all sorts of things. Rogue character types are generally required to be jack of all trades."

"How about you?" Willow asked Dawn. "What kind of training do Sith have besides battle?"

"I'm not Jedi, but I'm not Sith either," Dawn answered. "I don't follow the Dark side or the Light side, I follow the Sticky side."

"Sticky side?" Cordelia asked curiously.

"Light siders go for tranquility, Dark siders go for heavy emotions," Dawn explained. "Sticky side users go for..." she trailed off for a moment. "OK, let me just show you." Dawn drew her lightsaber and turned it on.

"That's barely a foot long, but it's a nice shade of purple," Willow said.

"Looks phallic," Cordelia noted.

"Not going to get much penetration with that," Buffy said, "too short."

Xander struggled not to laugh. "Touch it," he suggested to Buffy.

"Xander!" Willow complained. "Don't encourage Buffy to injure herself. That is a lightsaber, it's a plasma blade that can cut through steel. It'd burn your fingers if you tried to touch it."

"Hardly," Dawn said running a finger along the blade and showing she was fine. "It's a product of alchemy. You know how trainee lightsabers can be set to give shocks rather than cut through people? Well this is something similar, it has a number of settings, so go ahead and touch the blade."

The girls all cautiously ran a finger along it after making sure it wouldn't burn them.

"It's kinda tingly," Buffy noted.

"If it doesn't burn people or cut through steel, what is it for?" Willow asked.

"Sex," Cordelia blurted out as she realized what it was. "The Sticky side is sex! You are a Sex Jedi!"

Xander had to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes as he lost it and laughed so hard he had to stop walking.

"Eww I just touched your sex toy!" Buffy exclaimed wiping her finger on her breastplate.

"It's an energy construct," Dawn said, "it can't get dirty and only the hilt needs to be cleaned, which you did not touch."

"How does that even work?" Willow asked.

"It's kinda like a Green Lantern projection, but the emotion I tap is lust," Dawn explained. "Just think Jedi with a lust focus, it's easier."

"I can't believe you planned out that as a costume," Buffy said.

"I didn't, I planned Jedi Twi'lek, it's called chaos magic for a reason," Dawn told her. There was no way in hell she was letting Buffy know her costume was influenced by using their mom's vibrator as part of it. Though she did have to wonder why her mom had a Star Wars themed vibrator in the first place.

"I'm still blaming Xander for corrupting you," Buffy decided.

Xander started walking once more. "That's fair," he agreed.

"So no Jedi vs Sith battle?" Cordelia asked.

"I think our dueling styles are incompatible," Willow offered, blushing.

"Plus we'd need a Jell-O pit," Xander added.

"Xander!" Buffy groaned, not wanting that image in her head.

"He's not wrong," Dawn admitted.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

Angel laid on his stomach at eye level, floating next to Buffy as she walked.

"That is so unfair," Xander told Angel.

"Like you wouldn't do the same," Buffy accused.

"I wouldn't," Xander said with a grin," I'd either do it standing in mid air with my hands on my hips or lying back like I'm in a bed, about waist level."

"There's an idea," Angel said rolling onto his back and putting his hands behind his head as he dropped to waist height. "This is relaxing." He let out an 'oof' as Buffy jumped on him.

"Comfy," Buffy said cheerfully as she laid back on him.

"You knew she'd do this," Angel said, as he realized Xander had set him up.

"Yep," Xander agreed cheerfully. "Any complaints?"

Angel opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and wrapped his arms around Buffy. "Nope."

"Smart man," Xander said with a wide grin.

"I'm too sore for all this walking," Dawn decided. "Carry me," she ordered Xander.

Xander swept her up bridal style without losing a step.

"Seriously?" Cordelia asked. "We've got miles to go."

"I was joking," Dawn admitted. "I just need a little while to rest and use a healing trance."

"I have the strength and stamina of a Wookie," Xander offered. "I can carry you all day and not get tired."

"I thought you'd turned back into yourself," Willow said looking him over and noticing he did look quite a bit fitter than he had in this original timeframe.

"No, the DNA I retrieved from Dawn was from my costumed self, which we munchkinned, because what shape shifter wouldn't try to make his base form as superior as possible," Xander pointed out.

"True," Willow agreed before turning to Cordelia. "Xander's my best friend in the world-" she began.

"Except for Buffy," Cordelia interrupted. "You follow Buffy more than Xander these days, though that may have more to do with hormones than any type of friendship."

"That's more supporting her calling and doing my best to help keep the world spinning," Willow disagreed. "I give her more support because she needs more support than Xander."

Angel spun around so they were facing the group as they floated.

"And don't think I don't appreciate it," Buffy interjected.

"How does that make any sense?" Cordelia demanded. "Xander was just a normal guy with no support while Buffy has lots of people."

"I could build a church on Xander," Willow said, as if it explained everything.

Dawn turned and stared at Willow, sensing her emotions. "You could fry a vamp with that amount of faith," she noted in shock.

"Xander decided we should help Buffy," Willow replied, "so I threw myself into it. Buffy quickly became a close friend, but I was following Xander's lead. Even when they were at odds or he wasn't even with us, this is the path he chose for us."

"That explains some things," Dawn said thoughtfully.

"So... when push comes to shove, who is your best friend?" Cordelia asked.

"I would sacrifice my life for Buffy's," Willow replied. "For Xander, I would sacrifice someone else's."

"That sounds like Buffy... but it means the opposite, right?" Cordelia asked, trying to puzzle out the meaning to her words.

"Sacrificing your own life for someone else is easy," Buffy offered. "Sacrificing someone else's life is risking your soul for them." Angel gave her a comforting squeeze.

"I'm not as shocked at hearing that as I should be," Cordelia said, "though that can't be healthy."

"You thought we were sane?" Willow asked in surprise.

"Not really and yes," Cordelia replied.

"That clears things up nicely, thanks," Buffy told her.

Cordelia huffed. "I mean, I considered you guys crazy by normal standards, but that normal standards didn't apply to you."

"That sounds about right," Dawn agreed.

"See, in the normal world you guys are nuts," Cordelia explained, "but in the crazy vampires-eat-people-world, you guys are sane."

"Fair enough," Willow said with a thoughtful nod.

"Not rock solid sane of course," Cordelia continued, "more like sand stone or maybe just sand. Ooh, like a sand castle just before the tide comes in!"

"We get you," Buffy said dryly as the others giggled, not in the least offended.

"Of course that was before all of this and I saw how much crazier the world is than what I thought," Cordelia admitted.

"Vampires did turn out to be one of the simpler things to deal with," Buffy agreed.

"Exactly, and with how crazy everything really is you guys fit in perfectly," Cordelia finished.

"Erm, thanks?" Buffy offered.

"And now we're all on the Death Star, none of us exactly normal anymore, and you guys are all just..." Cordelia trailed off frustration clear in her tone.

"All what?" Dawn asked.

"All just yawning and acting like it's another day at the office," she said quietly and stopped walking.

They all paused for a moment and Xander leaned towards her so Dawn could hug her.

"I- I don't know how you guys do it," Cordelia admitted, leaning into Dawn's embrace her arm's around the pair of them.

"Angel's been dead before and then got two hundred years of psycho version of him's memories stuffed in his head, and the rest of us actually saw the end of the world," Dawn explained. "All of this is a major step up. For all we know, Luke Skywalker is about to blow this place up and it'd still be better than where we came from."

"I did not need to hear that!" Cordelia groaned, burying her head in Dawn's hair.

"There's an afterlife and it rocks," Buffy assured Cordelia. "So death is not that big a deal. No need for existential angst, OK?"

Cordelia sighed and pulled back from Dawn's hug, giving her and Xander a grateful smile before resuming walking. "Fine, but I like living; I haven't done nearly as much of it as I'd like."

"That's what we're aiming for," Willow told her, "we just aren't allowing fear of death to interfere in our enjoyment of life."

"Plus we are in the Star Wars universe with a lot of knowledge that no one else has," Xander told her. "Meaning we can become rich and powerful a lot easier than you think."

"And we mean richer and more powerful than Bill Gates and Steve Jobs," Willow added.

"Really?" Cordelia asked hopefully.

"Really?" Buffy echoed in surprise.

"We are Star Wars geeks with powers and knowledge from three different versions of it," Dawn explained, "that means as long as we survive and escape we can work as smugglers, traders, healers, or... probably a dozen other things while getting enough money and supplies to raid lost temples or locate forgotten treasures."

"It's in the bag," Xander agreed with a grin.

"Treasure hunting is probably dangerous and dirty," Cordelia said unable to keep a grin from her lips.

"Sweaty, primitive jungles, large dangerous animals, and loads of gold and jewels," Dawn agreed.

"Of course modern gear can insure bug free campsites with proper bathrooms and hot showers," Xander pointed out.

"They didn't have all that in the movies," Buffy said.

"They always made ships cramped for no real reason," Dawn agreed. "Mass means money, but they always take it too far, trying to cut corners and save on fuel."

"And they never use droids to anywhere near their full capacity," Xander added.

"It's a cultural blind spot," Willow guessed. "Being from Earth, where we have had a lot of time to dreams up ways to use all their tech more efficiently, we can do a lot more with less."

"That's the theory anyway," Dawn added. "We can't really know until we get a chance to play with everything."

"Well let's hope you're right," Cordelia said cheerfully, "because that sounds like a great advantage to have."

"You've got that right," Buffy agreed.

Nothing more was said for nearly half an hour until Buffy spotted the terminal. "There it is," Buffy said pointing to the end of the row.

"Finally," Cordelia said. "Though that's still a ways away."

"A couple of minutes tops," Xander said. "Race you?"

"You're on," Willow agreed using a Force leap to gain the lead.

"Cheater!" Xander yelled, running full out, Dawn bouncing in his arms and encouraging him to go faster.

Angel sped up, but didn't try to pass them and was passed in turn by Cordelia as she regained her cat like features and blew past everyone, easily reaching the wall mounted terminal first.

Willow landed ten feet up the wall, feet first, and slid down it towards the floor with an almost supernatural grace. "You're fast!"

Cordelia smirked, happy to find she was superior to the others in at least one area.

Xander arrived a handful of seconds later. "I could beat you in stamina," he pointed out, setting Dawn down, "but you two have me outclassed in sheer speed for the moment."

Dawn and Cordelia exchanged matching grins but didn't say anything.

Angel floated in behind him, looking completely relaxed and unhurried with a smug looking Buffy still using him as a bed.

"OK, hack that thing and tell us what's going on," Dawn ordered Willow.

"I know the language, but a Jedi Healer is not the type of person to hack a system and Earth systems are nothing like this," Willow admitted.

"It's a lot easier than you think," Xander said squeezing in beside Willow. "It actually has a primitive Proto AI-like system to help it deal with a variety of systems from across the empire. Pry up the keyboard and loop the status call circuit and it'll let us know if it tries to notify any other systems while making it believe we are authorized."

"How do you know so much about computers?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Rogue class," Xander reminded her, "means I know the basics of quite a lot of shady skills and quite a lot of some basic ones. It just so happens droids and computer systems are something Jessie swore were mandatory knowledge in a space going society for any rogue."

"You are going to teach me," Willow said, bouncing in place, excited at the thought while they both worked on the system.

"Sure," Xander agreed. "And we're in," he said as he and Willow paged through various screens and searched for answers.

"Well?" Buffy asked after five minutes had gone by and the pair hadn't said anything, absorbed in what they were doing.

"Oh," Willow said, shocked back to reality, "well, Xander is really good at this and we have mostly good news."

"What's the bad news?" Angel asked.

"Doesn't quite work that way," Xander said, "it's all a mix."

"Well tell us something," Cordelia demanded. "Are we going to blow up or what?"

"No, we're good there," Willow quickly said, "no battles are going on."

"This is a fully completed Death Star, some fifty odd miles from the core to the surface," Xander explained, "and it's been mostly shut down for a little over six years."

"Everyone on board died, so it shut down non-essential systems while waiting for a new commanding officer, so basically only life support and maintenance are still operating," Willow explained.

"There are so many questions I want to ask, I don't know where to begin," Dawn said.

"The answers aren't going to be found in a supply terminal," Xander said, "and we have a very long walk to find a terminal that does contain them."

"No trains, elevators, escalators, or moving stairways?" Buffy asked.

"No blueprints, so we're wandering blindly and I don't think those fall under essential systems," Willow said with a sigh.

"So what's the good news?" Angel asked.

"Internal security is practically nil, there's no one here to arrest us, and since it's been quiet for over half a decade, the odds of anyone attacking is also practically nil," Xander explained. "Our only real enemy is boredom and sore feet."

"After the last six years I've had, I could use some boredom," Buffy said wistfully.

"That does actually sound nice, but I have a feeling finding out what killed all the people on board is going to be important," Dawn said, pulling her pistol from its holster and checking the charge before holstering it.

"And knowing us, it'll be something we have to find out as soon as possible," Willow agreed, her right hand drifting down to check her lightsaber on her belt.

"Still beats dealing with Snyder," Cordelia pointed out.

"And suddenly the zebras are all shiny and new," Buffy said, making Xander and Willow laugh.

"Inside joke?" Angel asked.

"It's like the Heimlich with stripes," Willow said, making the other two laugh even harder, before she joined in again herself.

"It was something we said at the zoo before I was possessed," Xander explained once he caught his breath. "It's a 'you had to be there' thing."

"It boils down to being happy where you are," Willow said.

"Provided that 'are' is not at school," Xander added.

"Or around Snyder," Buffy finished.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	6. Chapter 6

"How are we supposed to find our way out with no maps?" Cordelia asked.

"The Force," Buffy suggested hopefully.

"This place has no life, it's all metal and chrome," Willow replied.

"The Force binds all living things together but this isn't a living thing," Angel said. As everyone turned to look at him, he shrugged. "Nick was an avid movie-goer."

"The Sticky Side has a slight pull," Dawn said, waving a hand vaguely upwards and to the side, "but that pull is simply the best direction to head for sex purposes. I can't sense a way out so much as where we'll all have the best sex."

"That..." Buffy fell silent for a moment, then shrugged. "It's as good a direction as any and I'm pretty sure being happy and successful would make us all more likely to have sex."

Xander tapped a button on the wall and a section slid open revealing a metal hallway the size of a four lane freeway that vanished into the distance, a multitude of exits and glowing signs dotting the sides. "Shall we?"

"My breasts are too big for this," Cordelia groaned.

"What does that mean?" Willow asked before anyone else could, unable to figure out what the brunette cheerleader was thinking.

"Name one marathon participant with a decent rack," Cordelia replied as if it was obvious.

"I think you're confusing cause and effect here," Willow replied, as she figured out what the brunette was thinking. "It's not that doing marathons makes you slender, it's that people who are slender are more suited to doing marathons, so they do better, discouraging those with other body types."

"Olympic athletes have confirmed losing a cup size," Cordelia countered.

"I doubt cat-girls have that problem and if worse comes to worst, I have several Force techniques that will increase your breast size," Dawn promised.

"Really?" Buffy blurted out in surprise.

"I may not be a dedicated healer like Willow, but body sculpting to improve attractiveness is something every Sticky Side used knows," Dawn assured her.

"Actually... as a healer, I do know several techniques that could be used that way," Willow said in surprise. "They were created to heal major wounds or encourage proper physical development, but ... I could use them to increase bust size."

"There are probably a fair number of Force techniques we have in common but use for different purposes," Dawn suggested.

"With options like that, you'd think there'd be more Force users," Cordelia said as Xander and Angel started herding everyone into the hall as they talked.

"Make love not war was the Sticky Side motto," Dawn offered. "Sadly, sex doesn't stop blaster fire."

"The Dark Side is full of homicidal poopy heads," Willow offered. "Plus the Light Side didn't really help encourage people with Force abilities to have families."

"If there was a balanced and happy medium side of the Force, it wouldn't have been called 'Star Wars,'" Xander pointed out.

The group walked in silence for a while, before Buffy said, "OK, I'll admit this is kinda awe inspiring and everything, but it's getting boring fast." She tilted her head to look up at a holographic sign that was either showing the proper place to dispose of trash or suggesting something obscene with a small droid.

"Yep," Xander agreed, "you can't even play a decent game of 'I Spy' because it all looks mainly the same and half of us don't know the language all the signs are in."

Another five minutes passed by in silence, save for the sound of footsteps.

"You could plant a forest in here," Cordelia said, gesturing at the massive amounts of empty space and softly glowing signs in Galactic Basic.

"Multiple ones," Willow agreed, happy to break the silence. "The outermost surface's area is the size of a continent and each level below that is only a little smaller, but not by much."

"And we are the only living people here," Dawn said.

"I claim this land in the name of Me," Buffy said suddenly, "All hail, Buffonia!"

"All opposed say Nay!" Dawn announced.

"Nay!" chorused everyone except Angel and Buffy.

"You guys suck." Buffy pouted, making them laugh, as Angel put his arm around her.

"Naming it something other than the Death Star is still a good idea," Angel pointed out.

"Not exactly a cheerful name," Willow agreed. "Plus it's never been mistaken for a star, just a moon."

"Do we name it like a ship or a moon?" Cordelia asked.

"Ship," Xander replied, "it moves about."

"Works for me," Dawn agreed. "What's a good name for a ship that can destroy worlds?"

"Hotaru," Angel suggested.

"What language is that? Buffy asked curiously.

"It's Japanese for firefly," Xander answered, "and a fitting name for a ship that could be called a light bringer, if you are making a pun about super lasers anyway."

"You speak Japanese?" Cordelia asked curiously.

"I speak anime," Xander replied mock solemnly.

"Japanese cartoons," Dawn explained with a grin.

"I like it," Buffy decided, as she smiled at Angel.

"It's pretty and descriptive," Willow added, "I also vote Aye."

"Ditto," Xander said.

"Looks like the Ayes have it," Willow said.

"Don't we need to move up rather than... forwards to get out of here?" Buffy asked after another couple of minutes of silence.

"We are heading upwards," Dawn replied. "My Force sense says this way is a path to 'up' over there somewhere, so at least a little up is included."

"Is a bathroom also included?" Cordelia asked.

"You should have said something earlier," Willow spoke up, "we've passed a number of bathrooms."

"Really? I didn't see anything," Buffy said, looking around at the incomprehensible signs on the walls and failing to see any familiar little stick people that were used to designate bathrooms the world over.

"There's one right there," Dawn said, pointing towards the wall.

"I don't see anything," Angel said as they approached where she was pointing.

Xander touched a section of the wall, causing it to swing open, revealing a futuristic but still recognizable bathroom done in the traditional Empire shades of black and silver.

"I better help you," Willow said, "there are some bits that just aren't intuitive at all, like the three sea shells."

The door closed behind the two with a little woosh noise as it settled back in place.

"I call dibs next," Buffy said, "I could use a chance to freshen up myself."

"I'll go the same time as you, that way I can explain how everything works," Dawn chimed in.

Angel glanced at Xander awkwardly.

"We'll go last," Xander told him, "even if you don't need to use it now, you'll need to know later."

"Too bad there isn't a shower in there," Buffy said, "'Cause I don't know about you, but I could really use one."

"They have a sonic shower," Dawn offered.

"Sonic? Like in sound?" Buffy asked, her brow wrinkling in thought.

"Water showers are a luxury," Xander explained. "We won't see any of them outside officer quarters and some of the higher ranked guest quarters."

"So the sinks are all sonic?" Buffy asked, a bit weirded out by the concept.

"No, the sinks are still the same, mostly for psychological reasons," Dawn replied.

"Once we find guest quarters, we'll see if they have the 'Troopers' Guide series' available to show you how everything works," Xander told her.

"Troopers' guide?" Angel asked, hearing a hint of amusement in Xander's tone.

"Before the Empire got into cloning, they recruited from the general population," Dawn explained, "naturally that meant they had to plan training around people who weren't all that bright."

"The lowest common denominator can drop pretty low when you have an entire galaxy to deal with," Xander added.

"The Trooper educational series showed the do's and don'ts of working with Empire technology," Dawn said.

"While adjusting to life in the Empire, a number of troopers managed to severely injure themselves without trying," Xander said with a grin.

"So it's the Empire's funniest home videos?" Buffy asked.

"A little closer to Jackass, but yes," Dawn agreed. "Thanks to having droids and security cameras everywhere, there was no end to the number of accidents caught on film and sent in."

"So it's entertaining and educational," Buffy said.

"Vastly," Xander agreed. "It's also one of the few signs that anyone in the Empire actually had a sense of humor."

The door of the bathroom slid open with a hiss, revealing a much more contented cat-girl.

"That will never replace an actual shower, but it wasn't bad," Cordelia told Willow.

"It saves a lot of time, but I have to admit it just doesn't compare to a good old fashioned Earth shower," Willow agreed.

"You took a shower that fast?" Buffy asked doubtfully.

"Using the scented skin moisturizer took more time," Cordelia said. "Thankfully I got the hang of turning the fur on and off or it would have taken longer."

"Our turn!" Buffy said as Dawn touched the wall and the door opened up again revealing a spotless bathroom.

"Self cleaning," Dawn explained before disappearing inside with her sister.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I..." Andrews voice trailed off. He'd gained a few inches in height and quite a bit of muscle tone, but his self-esteem was still as weak as ever.

"You knew or at least suspected," Warren noted calmly, as she sat in midair her cloak concealing most of the physical changes.

"Hoped," Jonathan added as he tugged at his shirt, his physical growth having all but reduced what he'd been wearing to rags and made even the clothes he'd scavenged from the boxes in his basement a bit on the small side.

"You assumed I wanted to be a girl and was repressing it from the way I spoke about women," Warren realized.

"Privacy," Jonathan reminded her, knowing of Raven's ethics from the comics he had read.

"Sorry, even with her memories, I don't have her instinctive control," Warren apologized.

"Oh," Jonathan said. "Just keep any secrets of mine you discover to yourself then," he replied.

"I will, thanks," Warren promised.

"So, now what?" Andrew asked.

"Now we go find Willow and find out why she... gave us this opportunity," Warren said.

"Not upset at being female?" Andrew asked with forced casualness.

"Not ... really," Warren admitted. "Being a guy was nice, but being... balanced is worth the sacrifice," she said softly.

"Is it really a sacrifice?" Andrew asked, looking into her eyes.

Warren blushed and turned away from Andrew. "Not as much as I would have thought," she admitted.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I really should combine you both back into one person," Jenny said with a groan, as she looked over the two versions of Rupert. Both seemed a lot closer to Constantine than the bashful librarian she'd gotten to know.

"If we wanted to do that, we'd have done it ourselves," Ripper said.

"There is still things we have to get done," Rupert agreed, as he pulled a half smoked cigarette from behind his ear. "Business first."

"Then pleasure," Ripper agreed, moving his eyes up and down her body.

"OWT EMOCEB ENO!" she quickly intoned, causing the two men to merge together.

"Hey!" Rupert complained, as he rubbed his temples before he took a drag off his cigarette to center himself.

"Yes?" she asked arching a brow and leaning back against a bookcase, showing off her Zatanna outfit to best effect to distract him.

He sighed and took another drag off his cigarette. "A little more warning next time, Luv."

"Next time?" she asked.

"It's too useful not to use," he explained. "I can get twice as much done when I separate like that."

"If you polarize yourself, you'll eventually be your own worst enemy," she said seriously. "Light vs Dark, Good vs Evil… it's a tale as old as time."

"True enough, but a more balanced split avoids all that," he pointed out.

"You may not have split yourself in two and turned half of you into a demon like John did," Jenny admitted, "but... actually I have no idea what you did."

"He's still me, just a part of me that doesn't see the light of day all that often," Giles explained, "a lot of my baser nature, but in no way evil, just unpolished."

"Ahh,... sorry about that, then," she apologized.

He waved it off. "No worries, half of what he was talking about was just hunting down an old friend."

"And the other half?" she asked.

"We can discuss it over dinner," he suggested.

"I'd like that," she agreed as he offered his arm and the two departed.

A few minutes later a young man entered the library and looked around. "No Willow, he noted as he stole a cigarette from the pack left on the table and lit up. "I should probably avoid red heads anyway," he said to the empty library with a sigh.

 **Typed by : Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	7. Chapter 7

"Can we take a break?" Cordelia asked. "I'm not sore or tired, but I am getting a bit hungry."

"Why aren't you guys tired?" Buffy asked from her comfy spot lying on Angel. "I mean, three hours of walking, plus it was nighttime when we blipped over here, that should have made everyone tired."

"I'm a little sleepy, but not physically tired," Cordelia replied thoughtfully. "It's probably a cat-girl thing."

"I literally have the stamina of a Wookie," Xander reminded Buffy. "Being a gene-thief means I can and have completely munchkinned myself."

"Tapping into the force here," Willow offered. "It may not be Wookie stamina, but it lets me fake it for a while."

"And being a force user as well, you can pull the same trick," Buffy guessed, nodding to her sister.

"Maybe, but I'm not sure," Dawn disagreed. "Sticky side users don't exactly have many techniques for long boring walks. We don't really do boring anything. No, I'm pretty sure I'm still running off of the excess energy I got from Xander."

"Sticky side technique?" Willow asked curiously, while Buffy made a face.

"One of the most basic," Dawn agreed. "Gaining energy from sex is nearly the first thing taught."

"Back to the break idea," Xander said. "I see a canteen ahead, if anyone would care to stop and refuel."

"Would they even have food in there since it's been down for six years?" Angel asked as Xander gestured to a side corridor.

"Troopers don't get fresh food most of the time," Willow explained. "The empire uses mostly freeze dried or condensed food stuff that can last decades minimum."

"It's also pretty good," Xander added much to the surprise of those who hadn't dressed as Star Wars characters. "With the type of money and manpower the Empire had, it was easy to come up with ways to make the food a benefit of military service to encourage enlisting."

"Aren't they all clones?" Buffy asked, confused.

"Stormtroopers were often seen and used as disposable assets, yes, but for every man in the field you needed a dozen to support him," Willow explained.

"Droids cut down the amount needed, but it was still several times their number," Dawn added.

"I'm not sure the emperor didn't plan on replacing everyone with clones over time, but the support and command staff were just regular humans that were recruited from all over the galaxy," Willow said, while Xander used a small metal tool to open up a circular port in a door and mess with the wiring.

"No aliens?" Buffy asked in surprise.

"Not unless they were insanely talented," Angel offered. "George Lucas was a bit heavy handed with the KKK parallels so the Emperor was basically a human supremacist, despite how little sense that actually made."

"He was evil," Willow pointed out.

"Yes, but he was also effective," Angel explained. "Only stupid ineffective people handicap themselves with beliefs that cut off so many options and opportunities."

"Cloned Wookies would have been a nearly unstoppable ground force. Also, voila!" Xander chimed in.

"And suddenly I'm glad he was a Xenophobic bigot," Willow said as the door in front of Xander slid open.

"It's… a pool hall?" Buffy asked, looking around in shock.

"Similar décor, but no," Xander said, crossing the room to the dining section and walking behind the bar.

As Xander flipped switches and the lights came on Buffy gave him a look and a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, indirect lighting for the diners and hanging lights over the holo-tables," Xander agreed. "But while they do have pool or at least something close to it in their library of over two million games, it can also play, as I mentioned, two million games."

Something that sounded a lot like Jazz with some synthesizer added in began playing from hidden speakers.

"Humans are human," Dawn offered. "The things they enjoy are partially dependent on their biology, sounds, tastes, positions."

"Do they have something like pizza?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"And tons of variants," Willow agreed. "Flavors aren't going to be what you're used to of course, but we can probably get something close without too much effort."

"I think I'd rather try something new," Cordelia said thoughtfully, "something with a lot of meat."

"Wouldn't all the meat have either gone bad or become jerky by now?" Buffy asked.

"No, but the texture is going to be like hamburger rather than steak. This is a canteen, not an officer's mess," Xander replied, as he activated a silver mech behind the bar that looked like a sterilized female body made of chrome with featureless smooth frosted crystal where the face would be.

As the android booted up, her 'face' glowed blue, sections slowly dimming, until only a vague approximation of human features remained. "Six years offline, the crew dead and I wake up to the strangest collection of people I have ever seen," the android said in a snarky baritone.

"And how do you feel about that?" Willow asked.

The android shrugged. "I'll miss some of my regulars, but it's always nice to see some new faces, plus I'm certain you've got some interesting stories to tell."

"That's putting it mildly," Willow agreed.

"Is this safe?" Angel asked Xander, as he continued messing with things behind the bar.

"Mostly," Xander replied, as the top of the bar lit up. Willow and Dawn quickly touched the bar, causing holographic screens to appear in from of them.

"Depends on what you meant by safe," the android said as she prepped the bar and checked her supplies.

"He's wondering if you're going to send out an alert or notify security about us being here," Xander explained unconcerned.

"Last I heard, everyone was dead and we were going into standby," she replied. "You certainly aren't Empire, probably rebels, but if you're here then the Empire lost, so long live the revolution. I serve whoever has credits, I'm a hostess, not a battledroid."

"You'd think they'd hardwire in some loyalty," Buffy said with a frown.

"If my regulars were around I'd be loyal to them," the android offered, before giving a very human shrug, "but they've gone on to the second series, so I'm loyal to economics."

"Not sure I'm getting you," Buffy admitted.

"We need to bribe her," Dawn replied amused.

"Do we have any local currency?" Cordelia asked curiously as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing over Dawn's shoulders as Dawn explained what the different symbols meant to her.

"I could spoof the credit reader and charge it to one of the pre-existing accounts," Xander offered, "but I think a hardwired override so you can remain active at-will would be more valuable."

The female android squealed. "I'd suggest doing both!" she quickly added.

"Bit of a game player?" Xander guessed.

"The maintenance crew got me hooked, but unless one of them tossed me a tip or asked me to play, I was stuck just watching and I can't play after hours because I'm shut down when there are no customers," she explained.

"Simple enough to fix," Xander said as he tapped the bar top and started flipping through holographic menus. "I forgot to ask your name."

"My designation is WN-95, but my friends call me Gates." the android replied.

"Well Gates, lets fix your little problem and set up a line of credit from… looks like Maintenance Chief Grogson," Xander said. "Nice large account too."

"Maintenance workers were the majority of my clientele," Gates replied watching what Xander was doing. "It's that easy?"

"Until a monthly audit is run and they wipe the register," Xander agreed, "then you just do it again."

"Looks like Grogson is going to be nice and treat you all to lunch," Gates said cheerfully. "Order away!"

"Way ahead of you!" Dawn said.

"I thought you two were hacking something," Buffy said as she saw Dawn was working on a recipe for something that looked like a technicolor pizza.

"Not a hacker and Willow doesn't know the system," Dawn replied. "I've been working on recipes that can at least come close to the food we know and teaching Cordelia a bit about the language."

"I've been looking at maps and customer feedback left by people," Willow explained.

"Feedback?" Angel asked curiously before immediately saying, "Of course! While some stuff would be considered classified, rough maps of various areas would be available and personnel reviews would let us know about the services available in the area!"

"Ten points to the detective!" Xander said. "I'm checking to see what's officially allowed myself. Each map only extends so far in every direction and I suspect…"

"Please don't trail off ominously like that," Willow said, "it's annoying."

Xander blinked and looked up. "Sorry Wils, I'm kinda distracted because if I'm reading this right, the Death Star actually has rotating layers."

"That's insane!" Willow said wide eyed. "I mean, sure it's possible and can be used to shift mass or reconfigure supply lines more efficiently as needs change in the middle of a battle, but the energy cost… would actually be less than the amount saved," Willow admitted as she considered it.

"This is going to make our trip longer, isn't it?" Cordelia asked with a sigh as the Scoobs exchanged glances.

The android burst out laughing. "I knew you guys would be entertaining, but not this entertaining."

"What's so funny?" Buffy asked curiously.

"The idea of rotating layers was planned according to the construction units I've talked to, but all the fiddly bits would wear out over time, so it was scrapped," Gates explained.

"Strange, I could swear that's the only way any of this makes sense," Xander complained, rechecking the maps.

"That's because while they scrapped the actual rotation system, they didn't think to follow up with some of the systems associated with it," Gates explained.

"So the computer continually changes the visible signs and directions and even maps, even though nothing has changed!" Xander realized.

"It only reads correctly once every twelve hours, exactly at shift change," Gates explained. "Deliveries are rare and require an R2 unit."

"Bet someone got spaced for that mistake," Cordelia said, "or force choked."

"Promoted," Gates corrected to everyone's surprise. "Claimed it was an additional safety feature and would render any leaked plans completely useless."

"Holy crap! I could totally see that working," Willow admitted.

"Which means that all the maps you find are inaccurate, unless they include a time-stamp," Angel said thoughtfully.

"They only have week, month and year," Willow replied.

"So our walk just got longer," Cordelia said with a sigh.

"Look on the bright side," Buffy suggested.

"What's the bright side of this?" Cordelia asked incredulously.

"Since we can't possible get un-lost, we don't need to waste time trying," Buffy replied cheerfully. "Plus, no demons, no bills, no 9 to 5 job, no school," she listed off.

"Zebras are all shiny and new?" Cordelia offered slowly.

"Exactly," Buffy replied with a grin, which Cordelia mirrored.

"The kitchen will have our meals ready shortly," Gates announced. "Anyone want to try and match my Orbital Flux skills?"

"Ohh!" Willow exclaimed. "Me! I'll eat after a few games."

"Orbital flux?" Angel asked curiously.

"It's like Sim World, but you're dropping rocks on each other from a nearby asteroid belt at the same time," Willow explained.

"Jedi played games like that?" Angel asked surprised.

"There's only so much meditation you can do before you risk turning Sith out of boredom," Willow replied.

"That's happened?" Gates asked her, Gates' face blinking on and off in shock.

"There's a reason the Jedi Counsel doesn't forbid sex or video games," Willow replied. "I'm not allowed to say any more than that."

"Think she's trying to psych me out?" Gates asked Angel.

"I don't know," Angel admitted. "If space travel means spending weeks of just waiting and staring at the walls…"

"The Jedi are more about preventing healthy emotional bonds," Dawn explained to Buffy as Willow and Angel followed Gates to one of the nearby holo-tables and Buffy took a seat next to her.

"How did you know doing this would be safe?" Cordelia asked Xander waving a hand. "You really didn't go into a lot of details."

Xander nodded. "Nothing is going to be perfectly safe, but we needed information and of all the choices available, this was the lowest risk, highest reward."

"Bartenders, even robotic ones, hear a lot more than people think," Buffy said, recalling Willy.

"Plus food and entertainment," Dawn added.

"Supply centers have much higher security than entertainment facilities," Xander explained.

"So we needed to know if we could hit bars and restaurants rather than risking hitting Space Costco again," Cordelia realized. "Wait, if that's true, how did we get through the security on the last one so easily?"

"It's made to keep people out, not in," Dawn replied.

"With all the people dead, does it really matter a whole lot?" Buffy asked. "I mean, they can't exactly send Stormtroopers to arrest us."

"The Empire wasn't big on battledroids," Dawn said as she and Xander exchanged glances.

Xander nodded. "From what I've managed to figure out, each level has its own central AI, and by level I mean about a mile and a half vertical and each of them doesn't trust the data from the levels below and above them – "

"Wait, what?" Buffy interrupted, probably just a second before one of the others would have.

"Each level is telling the other ones around it that it is rotating and feeding false data to confirm it," Xander explained. "Despite that fact that they know it's a security measure, it means they can't trust any of the data from the other levels."

Everyone just sat quietly and tried to picture how it all fit together.

"Okay, I give up. How does this even work?!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"I don't think it does," Xander admitted. "They have to use R2 units to navigate inside the station," he pointed out. "R2 units are used for stellar navigation."

"If it didn't work, how did they get the store rooms down here stocked?" Cordelia asked.

"My guess is they built it in sections and then assembled it. They were planning on rotating shells, so it'd make sense to do it that way. Each shell was stocked before assembly to save time and money, which would result in a lot of stuff being offloaded, like female Stormtrooper armor when there are no female Stormtroopers. Non-standard equipment and ordering mistakes from other projects being covered up by the sheer size of this project," Xander explained.

"And since they were using it for general disposal of unneeded goods, no one cared if one of the lowest levels had gear more suited to surface troops," Dawn realized. "All the stuff had to be good quality, pass inspection, intact but it didn't have to be useful. All the gear for specialty units that were no longer needed could be offloaded here."

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "They probably hoped this Death Star would get blown up too, as it would cover a lot of errors."

"And the security?" Buffy reminded them.

"Each level has a dedicated AI that distrusts all the reports from the others. They have some AI controlled weapon placements to back up Stormtroopers, but nothing mobile, so as long as we aren't trying to enter high security areas we're fine. Any reports of intruders on other levels will be considered low priority, possible false since they are from untrusted sources," Xander explained.

"So even if we trip an alarm all we have to do is avoid high security areas and leave our current level to be safe," Cordelia said.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.

"Why didn't they just make new maps as they went along and use those?" Buffy asked.

"Each section looks the same and all the signs change regularly," Xander replied. "Accurate maps would negate the latest security feature, so they'd have to make a new one on each trip."

"The upper level alone could handle the population of a planet easy, so they didn't need to go beyond that one except for mandatory maintenance and monitoring the Death Star's core," Dawn reasoned.

"And they probably lost a few maintenance crews for months at a time as they made their way down to the lowest level and had to travel half way around the level to get to their assigned posts," Cordelia guessed.

"The surface and the bottom level are the only two sections that have permanent features that keep you from getting lost," Buffy said. "Even wander off a little from your group and 'BAM!' you have to spend months trying to find out where you are."

"I wonder how many people just gave up and settled down wherever they found themselves," Dawn said thoughtfully. "I mean, no one could find them, food and water wasn't that hard to find and in little danger of running out."

"If this place had some actual plants and more people to socialize with, it'd make for a comfortable existence," Cordelia offered.

"Considering how the supply rooms are stocked, I wouldn't be surprised to find bags of fertilizer and various seeds in one of them," Dawn noted.

"Reprogram some droids for company," Xander added.

The group fell silent and considered the idea.

"If we're hopelessly lost in space we could still live very comfortable lives here," Cordelia admitted.

"Especially if we could deactivate the rotating maps and signs," Dawn agreed.

"Still need to find a human population or something close enough, so our children wouldn't have to end up marrying each other," Xander said.

Dawn and Cordelia turned thoughtful looks on Xander while Buffy frowned, just as a door slid open and a server droid waltzed out carrying a tray.

"Pizza's ready!" Dawn called out.

 **Typed By – Sitheus Maximus**


End file.
